I live in England, and in many ways I am proud of my country's free thinking, it has enabled has to have a broader view, and understand social behaviour from many cultures.In the last hundred years, society has changed immensley, beyond recognition, some might say, however has morality changed? Do most of us have similar morals?By what I write you may think that I have lived a sheltered life, sadly and paradoxicly gladly I have not. I have exposed myself to many things, I have seen and experienced life at times on the edge, I have shocked myself at my own capabilites and tested my own morality to its limits, however, I have I feel come back to the centre of my own morality.
Why? well, I feel that when I was young I had a strick but hypocritical father and a very conformist mother. They instilled certain values and morals into my thought processes very early on. However some of their teachings made me feel claustraphobic. At sixteen, because of my fathers domination and violent outbursts I ran away. I broke the ties that bound me, I did however at times miss the safe haven of their enviornment and their boundaries.
Their boundaries gave me pointers that helped me feel normal, without these I was at times a lost child.I could never go back to being their little girl again, and over time I had my own children, but still I pushed out the bounderies, I became the hypocrit, saying one thing and doing another.It was at a very low point in my life about seven years ago, that I started to realise some of their morals had actually become mine, I felt safe inside these morals, when I tried to fight against these morals, I became confused and frightened. I had seen some disturbing things. Friends using drugs everyday, neglecting their children, living in squaler, behaving like animals and not having a care in the world for anyone else. I realised that even though I had faught against my morals, I needed to realign myself, into a world whereby I felt safe for me and safe for my children.I decided to stop pushing out the boundaries and testing my morals, and to start living life in a way that felt safe for me and to re-educate myself.
My whole life has changed for the better, I see things in a different way, I know things instead of just thinking I know things, because I have tried them, but I have come to the conclusion that the best path for me is learning new skills that will help others.Knowledge brings choice, and choice brings freedom.I would love to hear from anyone who has tested their own morals, who has been to their own personal hell and back. I eagerly await your thoughts.
